Don’t forget that these three types are a combination of characteristics. Becoming a mother is a long and complicated process, so it goes without saying that these types of mothers are not representative of all moms! If you recognized yourself in one of them, I recommend you to keep reading to better understand what motivates you to act as you do.
Why do we act like this?
Whether we’re of the intense, indispensable or perfectionist type, we act like this because we get something out of it! The personal gratification we get from it is what’s most important to us, and it’s what makes us keep doing what we’re doing. By acting like we do, we feel like we’re being a good mother.
Insecurity, fear or anxiety are often part of our reality and influence our way of being with our child.
Whether we’re of the intense, indispensable or perfectionist type, the way we do things will have consequences in the short or long term. Here are some examples:
- Fatigue and heaviness
- Emotional overload
- Resentment toward the spouse
- Lack of an emotional and sexual life
- Love conflicts
- Detachment towards the child
- Feeling of having lost yourself as a woman
- Little involvement from the spouse
- Dependency of the child to his mother
- Consequences on the child
Bringing about some change
As long as we believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages to our situation, we won’t be too interested in bringing about some change. But by being aware of the possible consequences, we’ll pay more attention and avoid unpleasant consequences for ourselves, our spouse and our children.
- Choose between : undertaking a process of change or maintaining your way of being and waiting for the disadvantages to intensify
- Pay attention to your actions.
- Talk about it with your spouse; he’ll understand your motivations better.
- Consider your spouse’s comments since he’s close to you without being like you.
- Find other sources of gratification in your life.
Remember that it’s a process, so be patient and indulgent with yourself.