Even if we know that we have the lead role in our child’s life, that our emotional wellness is the foundation of our personal and familial development, we neglect ourselves!
In real life, we only have one motto: baby comes first! We just have to take a look at our behavior to see that:
- We make a lot of efforts and sacrifices for his well-being.
- We spend a lot of money for his comfort and pleasure.
- We spend a lot of time on his development.
- We want him to have a bright future.
- We place his desires first.
- We are comforted at the thought of taking good care of him.
In doing so, we neglect our own needs and desires. We keep giving without wanting anything in return. We are afraid to look vulnerable so we act like we are strong.
And then come tiredness, impatience, discouragement, sadness, deception, comparison, judgment, doubt, feeling like we are not worthy and a bit of a down. What is going on with us? We are trying our best and we love our child… so we should be happy, right? During these difficult times, let’s ask ourselves: am I taking good care o the most important person for my child?
We must first stop the storm to realize how difficult it is to be a mom. We must admit that our happiness is a prerequisite for his. We must admit that being functional and doing what must be done is not giving us a lot of satisfaction. When we only think about our child, we neglect ourselves and, after a while, we become frustrated. This happiness is not always enough to charge our battery. What does it mean for our child? Do we really believe that our child cannot see that we are absent even when we are there? Is it possible that he does not feel the intensity of our emotions? This questioning does not mean to make us guilty because it would be painful and useless. But it allows to realize that we have a place on our list of priorities, even if we know that it will take some courage!
Why is it so hard to take care of us? Because there are benefits and the most important is self-appreciation! Selflessness and devotion allow us to feel like a good mom and that need is important to make god decisions. Deep down, we believe that putting our child first is always a good thing! In reality, taking care of our emotional health helps us manage our emotions and deal with our child’s own emotions:
- We understand why we act like we do.
- We avoid being overwhelmed.
- Our perception of ourselves is positive.
- We express more compassion towards him.
- Our faith in our capacities increases.
- We act according to our values.
- We are less defensive.
- We have better reactions to our child’s requests.
- We place limits more easily.
- We are happier to be with him.
First step: recharge
Knowing that we have needs is already very good. If we can fulfill our needs, even partially, it will be even better! When we will be ready to take care of ourselves, we don’t know how to proceed. We forgot how to do it and it causes this kind of situation. Once we decided who would take care of the baby, once we gave instructions and prepared the bottle or meal, we end up in the car, thinking, “what will I do now?” To avoid this, let’s identify our need. Do I want entertainment, discussions, relaxation, movement or do I want to go out?