We often hear about letting go. What’s more frustrating than hearing “let go, it’s going to get better!” or “it’s out of your control!” When it happens, everything we want is to be right, to be in control and to win… Finally, the exact opposite of letting go! Realize that this stubbornness (yes, that is exactly what this is!) doesn’t do any good or worse, it generates anger and stress.
A picture is worth a thousand words: do you know the story of the greedy little boy who could not take his hand out of a candy jar because it was too full to pass through? He gets caught with his hand in the jar. It’s basic but if he had accepted to let a few candies go, he wouldn’t have been caught. How many times did YOU get caught? Not with candies of course but in your house… For example, when it is your spouse’s turn to clean up, instead of enjoying a free moment, you tell him: “don’t forget that corner” or “remember to do that!” and then you go fold the towels and place them all in the same direction. Basically, like the little boy who will not eat a single candy, you will not enjoy a well-deserved break…
Not always easy, letting go requires mourning our ways and adapting to new actions that are sometimes out of our control. Letting go is not doing nothing! It is accepting that some things never change and it is by changing the way we perceive things that we will achieve a better chore sharing arrangement in our house.
Do you need to let go to make room for daddy?
Assess if you can influence or change the situation; if it is not the case or if you tried everything and the situation keeps repeating itself, it is time to let go… Do you try to control every aspect of every task around the house or do you wonder if it will be done and… how? Worse, do you do everything in the house because you waste too much energy asking everyone to do it your way? In all three situations, it is quite possible that you need to let go a little if you want to enjoy your motherhood!
If the work-life balance becomes a burden for you, a good way to alleviate this burden is to delegate tasks. Men can ask it too. Let go, you are not indispensable! Is it too much pressure to think that way? Learn to negotiate with your partner, create new territories and respect yourself more in your way of playing all the roles.
How to let go?
- Change your glasses to see the situation differently;
- Accept reality, stop making efforts that consume your energy;
- Clear your head! Thinking about what is done and what is not does not solve the problem, on the contrary! Stop thinking about it for a while and new solutions will emerge;
- Find satisfaction in the current situation and don’t be obsessed by what could have been;
- Be aware of the absurdity of wanting to control something that does not belong to you; who said that women must take care of everything around the house?
- Be conscious of how much energy you waste on perfectionism and stubbornness;
- Avoid repeating instructions that were forgotten many times; saying it one more time will only waste your time and energy;
- Forget about the perfect situation that’s in your head and adapt to the real situation;
- Accept change within your limits and your values.
It is best to see letting go as a choice, not as surrendering. Surrendering is giving up while letting go is accepting life as it is. It will relieve stress and highlight positive things. The best way of letting go is to live in the moment.
Le lâcher-prise, Marie Bérubé, psychologist
Life lessons by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler