There is, of course, the love that we hold for our dear child. Then there is the love we hold for ourselves as mothers and as women.
There are a lot of expectations about that love! It should be spontaneous, natural and present as soon as we learn that we will be mothers. However, many women felt doubt, deception or fear before feeling love. The attachment does not always occur like it does on movies where joy and love appear with the baby! Every woman experiences bonding differently with her child and some will have to accept a bonding that is less intense and that will have to be built a little bit each day.
All mothers want their love for their child to be unconditional, total and powerful. It should be enough to enjoy motherhood, and yet, there will be moments when it won’t be! Admittedly, even if we love our children, there will be times when our patience will be put to the test and then frustration, anger or helplessness will show up. Constant harmony is not possible even with all the love in the world. Our child is a complete human being with whom we must establish a relationship and that involves adjustments. This relationship is one of the most important in our lives because it gives it makes it unique!
Motherhood is an open door to self-discovery! The questions and emotions that we experience help us discover who we really are. Sometimes this discovery is difficult, because it is filled with questions and doubt. Then there are times when it makes you happy and proud. However we live this experience, our self-esteem will be changed!
Becoming a mother can help or hinder the perception we have of ourselves and thus change our level of self-esteem. If we feel competent and proud, our self-determination is amplified. However, if we don’t feel up to scratch and doubt our ability to take care of our child, our self-esteem decreases. In real life, these moments are often both experienced one after the other, but we can also experience situations repeatedly and they can change our perception of ourselves. A mother who has a baby who rarely cries and quickly calms down will not be feeling like a mother who has a baby who cries frequently and intensely! She probably wonders why she fails to calm her baby. The parenting sense of competence plays an important role in our experience as a mother.
The criteria and requirements we set for being a good mother also have a significant impact on our esteem. Perfectionists are more likely to devalue their role as mothers. The higher our expectations, the more likely we are to be disappointed. It is so easy to say that what we are doing well is only normal according to our criteria!
The delicate balance between mother and woman
By trying to promote our role as a mother, we sometimes forget that we are women. We hesitate to take care of our own well-being as if it had become a luxury! Yet, it is an obligation and a need to preserve the balance between the mother and the woman that we are. An imbalance is almost inevitable during the first month, but we must remain vigilant. When the imbalance persists, it may mean that we have lost ourselves in motherhood and feel destabilized. We do not remember what we like and what we want. Then we must begin a process that will require perseverance but that will benefit us. Let’s remember that it will be easier to be satisfied as a mother if we meet our needs. Not to mention that our enjoyment of life directly affects the happiness of our child!
To love ourselves more
We can learn to love ourselves more and, therefore, to love others more by:
- Being indulgent and patient while learning everything related to motherhood;
- Accepting what we feel;
- Daring to set limits;
- Affirming our tastes;
- Indulging in daily pleasure;
- Acknowledging our qualities and strengths;
- Being attentive to our well-being;
- Accepting that we can be wrong even when we think that we are doing well.
Each thought and every action brings us closer to an ideal of being convinced that we are valuable as a human being regardless of the job we have, the money we have, our physical appearance, the number of children that we have or our achievements! This quest is worth it as it contributes to our growth as a wife and as a woman!