Communication and anticipation
Dialogue is key. You must be able to talk about your fears, worries and doubts. For example, a woman can truly love the relationship with her new lover because it makes her feel like a woman and not just a mother, but she might not want to live with him. To her, cohabitation is synonym with “mothering” and reminds her of her past relationship. She worries that the old pattern will resurface. This woman needs to find the source of her fears and once she confronts them, maybe then, she might then be able to cohabitate again.
Reading on the topic and consulting a therapist, even before cohabitating, will help you better prepare for what’s to come. By allowing yourself to verbalize your fears and worries - and especially by being heard – you will see things clearer.
Inspiring books
- Smart Stepfamily: The Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal $11.67.
- Stepfamily Success: Practical Solutions for Common Challenges by Natalie Nichols Gillespie, $7.50
- How To Win As A Stepfamily by Visher, $15.72
Special thanks to psychologists Michelle Parent and Lorraine Vallée.