Family life

Fear of not loving the 2nd child as much...

Personally, my children are 3 and a half years apart, which means that before my son was born, I had 42 months to get to know my daughter (learn her interests and habits, develop rituals with her, share special moments, etc.).

From the moment I started to understand that my oldest child was only starting with an advantage in that aspect, I realized that I would be able to love my son as much as my daughter when he was 3 ½ years old. It didn’t mean I loved him less, it simply meant that in the beginning, no matter how much I loved him, our relationship was different from the one I had with his older sister. We were just getting to know each other.

How can we have as much love for both kids?

By understanding that your first born has been with you for a longer time and thus shared more special moments with you, you can release some of the pressure to love the second child as much right then and there. It’s simply different types of love because our children are different. We’d like for everything to be fair, but we have to accept that it’s a work in progress. We also have to understand that each child is unique. Qualities, manners, character, interests, and attitude are what make a person who they are. Our kids are not the same, and it’s a good thing! We’ll love them just the same, but differently. It’s up to us to keep that little sparkle in our kids’ eyes going, the thing that makes them special, different and unique.

Testimonials

My daughter is now 2 ½ years old and I couldn’t live without her. I’ve always said that I wouldn’t have more children, but the thought of her being alone when mommy and daddy will be old makes me sad. But at the same time, I’m afraid of not being able to love a second child as much because my daughter makes me so happy already. We always hear that a mother’s heart can grow, but... It took us a very long time before we were finally able to conceive our first child, and still, it took me a while to develop a bond with my daughter. I’m now afraid that it would be even worst with a second baby. I’m afraid of not bonding at all.
Maya

I have a 13-month-old son and I’ve loved him from the moment he was put in my arms, a few seconds after his birth. We want a second child, and I sometimes wonder if I’ll be able to love another human being as much. I think I’ll be able to, but just differently. I know my first born will always have a special place in my heart, but it’s hard to say until you experience it.
Arwen

Image de Nadine Descheneaux

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