You are no oracle!
Even if you think you know what the other thinks, let him express himself. That way, you don’t risk being wrong and going through emotions that are not even justified. For example, if you think that your partner is mad at you, go check because if you don’t, you could be distant and give him the impression that you are the one who is mad. Don’t try to guess. Get in a listening mode and receive what the other has to say to rightfully understand what is going on between you two. Even if it is hard to hear! It’s the only way to be crystal clear.
The right to remain silent?
Ignoring conflicts or fleeing discussions when your partner is trying to open up is bad for your couple. Sure, it is hard to talk about the real things. Your emotions may be hard to bear and some people prefer to run away from them. Unfortunately, to maintain a good relationship, you must be able to sit and talk. All couples need to talk things through.
What then?
- Name your frustrations when they come.
- Talk about your annoyances diplomatically.
- Discuss when you are not overly emotional and when you have enough time to talk without being interrupted.
- Express the emotions that some situations trigger. For example: “It makes me angry when you don’t help me”.
- Go breathe outside or count to ten before saying things you could regret. If you feel like you are loosing your temper, it is best to go somewhere else and calm down first. You can’t talk when you can’t think.
- Express yourself but also listen to what the other has to say, without interrupting.
- Always say something positive before or after naming your disappointments. It will remind you that your relationship also has its good sides and that your couple also brings you good times.
Before starting the discussion, think of solutions to suggest. Then, you will be two to look for some. Ask your partner to give you his opinion and his suggestions. You will have taken your share of responsibility by suggesting ways to solve the problem.
