Five good reasons to spend time as a couple

Yes, you are parents but do you really have to sacrifice your couple because of that? Do you think you neglect your couple?

Parents and lovers

Looking after your little darling is, of course, very important. But we must remember those who brought them into this world. Here are 5 good reasons to convince you to spend time with your sweetheart!

To avoid losing track of your couple after the birth of a child, it is necessary to keep your complicity alive. You know, the same complicity that probably made you decide to have a child in the first place. Many reasons make it easier to invest more time as parents than as lovers. Lack of time, guilt, fatigue, that impression of losing yourself, unexpected conflicts, are all good reasons to act that way. But a distance between lovers may be difficult to make up for as time passes. You must act as soon as your baby gives you a bit of time to breathe.

Maintain some privacy

It’s not easy to keep close when a child occupies us all day and most of the night. You have a lot to do and your free time is rare but you must keep in mind that the less you spend time as a couple, the more it will become a habit. Even under the same roof and with a lot of love, it is possible to become strangers. You, as a new mom, are reorganizing your own identity. It can be the same for your couple. Spending time as a couple, and as a couple only, will help you stay close to one another. Spending time together will remind you why you chose your man over any other. It will also allow you to see the new man he has become instead of just seeing a father. Even if being a father is also charming! So, taking care of that friendship is necessary to keep the flame burning.

Spending time with adults

Like it or not, being with your child 24/7 can make some women feel useless or even worthless. The simple fact of having conversations – or chatter – only with your child can become alienating at times. Some women need to see adults and have adult conversations. Spending time with your partner will give you such moments. But to do so, you must comply with one important condition: try not to talk only about the kids. Adult time allows women to fight isolation, depression and intellectual laziness and to feel valued and useful.

Reduce the risk of conflict

Enjoying great moments between lovers doesn’t only allow you to see beyond the pile of laundry, the dishes and the diapers. Stopping to take care of your couple allows you to forget the conversations related to our daily grind. When leaving the duties aside there is less risk of arguing about these sensitive topics. Planning happy moments help you relax and increase your complicity. If your brain records good times, it will surely want to reiterate. No stress moments make you feel less inclined to ruin everything with a fight.

Promote sexual proximity

By offering shared moments to your couple, you promote complicity. These moments of proximity will be filled with tenderness, sensuality or eroticism. Sadly, finding moments for spontaneous sexual activities becomes harder when you have children. Accepting to give time to your couple gets you out of a whirlwind of chores and obligations. Also, by increasing your dating, you will become accomplices and sexual desire will have better chances to show up. Of course, those meetings cannot be forced on anyone. For many women, sexual desire comes with reciprocal love and if it is put aside, it will be hard to awaken her sexual desire.

Fall in love again

It’s not easy to remain in love when you spend all day being parents. By changing roles, you avoid that fatigue. Habits and boredom replace the tingling spark you felt when you met your partner. To be in love again, don’t let the distance tear you apart. So make it happen. Focus on your couple. You know that if you don’t do it, you will find some other things to do. So make sure that through your partnership as parents, you remain in love.

Running short on ideas?

Here are a few ideas to spend time as a couple. It is not always possible to find a babysitter so some suggestions can take place at home.

  • Have dinner once the children are asleep
  • Watch a movie, sharing a blanket
  • Take a walk with your sleeping baby (in the stroller)
  • Play a game (board, video, etc.)
  • Do nothing! Just talk
  • Massage night
  • Renovate, build or decorate something together
  • Go on a night out (restaurant, theatre, etc.)
  • Practice a sport together
  • Share a bath, etc.

No time?

Ideally, pick a moment every week to catch up. If you don’t have enough time for your little rendezvous, try a little tenderness on a daily basis. It takes a few seconds and it really shows that you care. Play in his hair, kiss him before he leaves in the morning, hug a lot, lie down and kiss him goodnight if one of you goes to bed before the other. It doesn’t cost anything and it will keep reminding you why you fell in love in the first place.

Véronique Boisvert
Clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, doula

Veronique Boisvert holds a BA and an MA in sexology. She works  in a private practice as a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist to treat marital and sexual difficulties. As shehas always been passionate about the perinatal field, she also followed a doula training and  now gives a prenatal class, assists parents during the delivery and offers them support  after. Her professional experience and research has led her to specialize in postpartum disorders. That's what inspired her to write the book  Bien vivre ma période postnatale : prévenir les difficultés et devenir une maman heureuse (meaning “Living my postpartum period well: preventing problems and becoming a happy mom”). You can find more information about her practice and clinic on her website (in French only).

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