Conception

Trying to conceive

Have you ever experienced the disappointment of not being able to get pregnant? Once, twice, three times? The desire to have a child is so intense that it makes the waiting period unbearable. Just remember to never lose hope.

Periods are never fun but the inconvenience is nothing compared to the pain they cause month after month when a woman is trying to get pregnant.

This pain quickly turns into impatience, sometimes after only five or six months of waiting. Let’s face the facts, for a woman who wants a baby, the notion of time is twisted and a month seems like an eternity.

Here are a few thoughts, shared on our forumfrom women who are impatiently waiting for a baby:

I want to stop thinking about it! We have been trying for six months and I have to admit that I am getting worried. Of course, I am aware that my little six months is nothing compared to some who have been waiting for years but I want that baby so much! I had stopped looking at my temperature four months ago but I think I am going to try again to understand my cycle. My curve is so strange and worrisome, it’s as if I am not ovulating! I want to stop thinking about it and let things go but I just can’t!”

Being impatient is often justified: you can wait for a very long time. So long that you may feel the need to share your hope and despair with women who are going through the same thing. No other human being can understand you as much as other women in the same position as you! So, to help you and other hopeful mom's, Motherforlife.com created the Trying to conceive Group.

Delays to conceive a child

  • Around 25 years old, a couple has a 25% chance of getting pregnant at every cycle with an average conception delay of 3 to 6 months.
  • A couple conceives a baby after 6 to 12 months, on average.
  • The percentage of women who conceived a child after one year of regular intercourse without contraception is 84%.
  • After 2 years, it is 92%.
  • Almost 80 % of all couples conceive a child naturally after 2 years.
  • 60% of couples facing difficulties conceive a child after one year.
When impatience is ruling your life

Your couple
The will to conceive is so strong that it can become obsessive. For some, it even ends up hurting the relationship with the partner who soon becomes a simple donor. The lover and friend that he was is suddenly less important and as soon as the “right moment” comes, we force him to stop whatever he is doing and jump in bed.

Your attitude towards yourself
Guilt may get to you when you cannot get pregnant. You can also feel guilty because you cannot fulfill your partner’s desire to have a child. This situation generates tensions in many couples and you need a lot of love and communication to resist this stressful situation.

Your relationship with others
It's impossible for a “trying” couple to avoid comments like “You think about it too much!”, “You have all the time in the world, there is no rush!”, “What are you waiting for, the clock is ticking…” or “It will happen when you are ready”. Those comments can be discouraging but those who say that are only trying to encourage you. Isabelle Dagenais, lecturer on the well-being of mothers and collaborator at motherforlife.com, explains that this kind of sentence is usually their way of saying that they feel powerless about your situation.

It is even more hurtful to see others succeed where we failed. Here are a few comments found on our forums:

“I have to admit that I tend to avoid gatherings when I know there are young mothers there, talking about their kids, sharing the joys and pains of being pregnant because for one I feel excluded and secondly, it reminds me that I may never have one myself…”

“I am having trouble with my pregnant friends. In fact, I was the first to try for a baby and all three had time to get pregnant (really quickly too!) and to give birth! It was really hard to see them every week with their happiness and their bellies that were growing by the day! I had more trouble with one of them in particular… and it left us a bit bitter. She did not understand why I had a bad reaction when she announced her pregnancy… in fact I could not recognize myself!”

It must be because of…

When one aspect of our life is not right, we search for causes, trying to find the appropriate solution. When the problem is the inability to bear a child, we ask our doctor and our friend: What’s wrong? Am I infertile? Should I take hormones? Am I too old? Am I too stressed? And so forth.

Let go a little…

Even if it is a natural and legitimate reaction, forgetting about our worries would probably be more useful than rubbing it in.

This is what we call letting go. It doesn’t mean to stop thinking about it. “Letting go is truly accepting what we are going through. Being in peace with resentment and the feeling of injustice (…) To succeed in doing so, we must allow ourselves to express what we feel,” explains Isabelle Dagenais.

You probably heard tales of surprise pregnancies after a long waiting period like this couple that gave up on conception and filed in for adoption. When they received the file of the adopted child, the woman realized that she was pregnant!

Here is the story of one of our members who decided to let go:

We had been trying for two years. After three months of Serophene (a medication prescribed when a woman is not fertile), I told my boyfriend that I could not stand the side effects anymore, I felt beaten and I thought that our life was only based on trials. I told him it was the last month of hormones and I wanted to take a year-long break to think about something else. We decided to go on a trip for two weeks and we did not think about it at all. Well… would you believe that we had a big surprise and we had our long-awaited baby! I strongly believe in letting go!”

… to put the odds in your favor

Between an obsessive desire to conceive and complete detachment, there is reason. Couples who want to conceive need winning conditions. Here are a few bits of advice from the specialists:

  • Ask your doctor to explain what you should expect when you stop using your contraception; the time needed may depend on the method
  • Determine your fertility period;
  • Make love every two days – not every day! – to increase your chances to conceive.
  • Men should not wear tight pants and underwear at least two months before trying to conceive. They should also avoid hot baths.
  • Avoid, or decrease alcohol and nicotine intake.
  • Reduce stress.
  • Choose healthy foods.
  • The missionary position is the most efficient to conceive.

Obviously, these tips IMPROVE fertility but they do not guarantee pregnancy. Nevertheless, applying them would make you feel more confident and patient.

Image de Josée Descôteaux

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