Your best friend already has two children, your mother thinks that you and your boyfriend would make beautiful babies and your biological clock is ticking. Are these good reasons to become a mother? Let’s see why having a child is not something that should be taken lightly.
If there is something easy to justify when you are a couple, it is the desire to have a child. In fact, people are surprised if you do not want one and as soon as you reach 30 years old, people start wondering why you are not trying yet. Can he have kids? Do you think it’s her? Do you think they are having problems?
It is understandable that the desire for a child is strong with the tiny baby faces everywhere, in adverts, newspapers and even in our family. It is normal to want to hold our own child, hug him, buy little pyjamas and walk around town with our stroller and an accomplished look on our face.
Still, you must keep in mind that being a mother is not always roses and rainbow. A child requires a lot of attention. First, when he is born, he needs to be fed, changed and put to sleep without any consideration for your schedule. Then, as he grows up, that child will want to show you what he does, will need your support, your unconditional love and your help. Of course he will love you with all his heart but he will legitimately want you to return the favour.
For many years, this child will think only about himself and the only world he knows. It is your responsibility to ensure his security, health and happiness without hoping for his empathy because he will have none until he reaches the age of 4 or 5 and even then, it will only apply to notions that he understands. He will not understand “mom and dad had a fight” or “can you stop crying, mom had a hard day at work”.
You cannot take a day off either. You cannot party and catch up later because your child will have slept. Having a child is a constant responsibility and he will be sick, stressed, afraid of things that seem ridiculous to you and love things that you don’t care about. Being a mother is also using the empathy that they do not have and sharing their good and bad days.
All this is not optional. Those are the responsibilities that you will have towards a little being who will trust you because you will have given him life.
We will never stress it enough, many couples face difficulties after the birth of a child. At first, we think that our love is even stronger than before and that the wonders of parenthood glued us to one another but after a year of prioritizing this new member of the family, learning new notions about breastfeeding, pelvic floor exercises, education, psychology and nutrition, our couple temporarily loses some of its magic. You must wonder if you are ready to invest time in your couple, as it will require more efforts than before.
Ask yourself questions about your couple. Of course, if your couple is happy, do not dampen your happiness with doubts but if your couple has been just so-so lately, do not wait until you have children to wonder if you should go on. Remember that this child will love both of you and he does not deserve to be the glue of the last chance that did not manage to save your couple. A child, no matter how wonderful he is, does not replace communication.
Also, if you ever split up, that man will be part of your life forever, with his new girlfriends, your new boyfriends and everything else that your future holds. A mother and a father must understand that tact and mutual respect will be essential for years to come, no matter what.
I was not ready, but…
Despite all this, it is possible that you don’t choose the moment and a little baby can decide to show up and it is not the end of the world. Even though you must know that a baby represents responsibilities, money and time, a baby is still wonderful news that fills moms and dads with happiness and that gives you purpose.
A surprise baby can confuse you at first and will leave you with only a few months to change your plans but despite the fact that you were not ready and did not take your vitamins and live in a small apartment, know that a child only needs loving, patient, reasonable and good-willed parents. You will learn with your child, as you will take care of him.
On the contrary, if you are frightened and if you worry about your potential while you are pregnant, know that many mothers feel the same way and the little baby that you cannot wait to see will make your worries disappear, when time comes. When you will see your child, you will feel confident and ready to begin this wonderful adventure.