Feeling empty
Some women are surprised to find that after childbirth, they feel shock at the loss they experience to not see their beautiful round belly anymore or to realize that they will no longer feel their baby move. When everyone around is obsessed with the baby and we are being left out, it tends to make us feel lost and ashamed of what we are feeling because we are convinced we should be swimming in happiness at finally being able to hold our baby.
Try to not be too hard on yourself and don’t feel guilty. It’s normal to feel a little off balance after childbirth already, and you have the right to feel the emotions attached to this life-changing event. The best thing you can try to do is to accept that you will have some emotions to go through and you will have to give yourself the time to be comfortable in this new life you have longed for. Life really does work well and often, you will find that all these emotions tend to fade over time as you get the used to things as members on our Facebook page shared with us:
« What I missed most was to feel the baby move inside me. It was such an exceptional feeling. And losing the habit of rubbing my belly was also tough. We finally move on by telling ourselves that this is a new stage, that the baby is here for real and that it’s even better. And we can always get pregnant again! » – Jessica Legault-Caron
« Wow… I’m right into that phase right now! I just gave birth and it was my last pregnancy, I savor each moment as much as possible with my 7 weeks old baby. My heart would have infinite room for more children, but not my life… We have to differentiate the two and move on. » – Patricia Dumont
« For my part, I really had a hard time adjusting to not having my belly anymore… seeing other pregnant women really was difficult… especially right before they would give birth… I needed at least two months before things felt back to normal… it may have exaggerated things but mothers of preemies will understand me… when you lose your belly at 29 weeks, you have to grieve and you’re also worried about your baby at the same time! » – Jessica Minogianis
« I wouldn’t say I had to mourn. But the first days after delivery, I felt empty. My son who had been constantly with me for nine months now seemed so far away in his father’s arms. But as the days passed, the more my new relationship with him grew and it soon felt better. I would say it was more of an adjustment period than a mourning period. » – Julie Tremblay
« I too miss my belly. When I see pregnant women, I find them lovely and I can’t wait to relive this magical experience. Although pregnancy wasn’t always easy, I loved carrying my baby, feel him move and live this special complicity. I also loved giving birth. These are great moments to relive in my head while I’m breastfeeding and watching him… it’s so beautiful! » – Anne-Marie Rouillier
« After the birth of my daughter, I couldn’t imagine that I wouldn’t live THAT again, even if my spouse didn’t want another child. I managed to make him change his mind and we had a little boy. I grieved every day a little because I knew that this would be the last time I would be pregnant and feel this way… and I cherish every day of his childhood too because that too I won’t get to enjoy anymore! » – Lyne Montour
« After my first pregnancy, what shocked me the most is that it was like I no longer existed! When I was pregnant, everyone would rub my belly, asked me how I was..Then, nothing! How’s the baby? Is he drinking well? Is he gaining weight? Yes, yes, yes! But do you want to know how the mom is? Not easy giving birth! When my sister visited, she really helped me because she had given birth 6 months prior and the first question she asked me was « how are you? » I love my sister! » – Sylvie Bélanger
Things to help you cope
- Belly casting: In addition to giving you the opportunity to keep a souvenir of a belly you can touch whenever you want, you can even ask your friends and family to write little notes of love and support on it which you can read when you’re feeling down. Places like Laissez-vous mouler! can do really beautiful models you can keep and cherish for years to come.
- Pictures, pictures, more pictures! : Turn yourself into a real top model during your pregnancy! Capture every moment so you can remember the evolution of your beautiful belly! Try our pregnancy journal, which will allow you to upload your pictures and even add comments about what you are going through during your pregnancy so you’ll have a digital copy you can look at whenever you want.
- Honesty is your best weapon: You can try to explain to the people around you that even though you understand – and share! – their excitement, you feel a little left behind and hurt. There is always a way to express your feelings without hurting the person you are speaking to. Remember that they probably aren’t trying to hurt you and don’t even realize that you are being affected by what they are doing.
- Know how to count on your partner: Talk with your spouse to explain what you are going through. He might help you put things in perspective, take care of things around the house so you can take time for yourself or offer a nice massage or a romantic dinner while the baby sleeps.
- Carrying baby or skin-to-skin contact: Our members are unanimous, what they miss the most is the unrivaled feeling of our baby moving inside our belly. When I was missing the feeling, I would put my baby on my tummy, skin to skin, and let her snuggle against me. The feel of her heartbeat and her little jerky kicks while she was sleeping would reassure me and always make me feel much better.
