Consulting a family therapist

The question keeps coming back to you and you even discussed this with your spouse. Should we seek professional help to solve this problem that our family is facing? Yet, it seems as if you can’t make the move and wonder if it is truly necessary to consult.

We asked two psychologists to give us advice and explain the process and usefulness of family therapy. 

When should we consult?

Because it is usually harder to make this decision when the children are concerned than when it is a couple’s issue, Stephanie Léonard tells us the signs that should convince parents to consult when their child seems unhappy or preoccupied. 

“When you notice significant changes in their behavior, for example, if they no longer want to play with their friends, if they often complain of stomach pain, if they do not want to go to school anymore, if they have difficulty falling asleep at night”.

Obviously, it is better to discuss with your child first when these changes occur and Dr. Leonard strongly suggests validating the information with the teacher or daycare worker because they spend a lot of time with your child and can give you another perspective in the situation.

How to find a psychologist?

You came to the conclusion that your personal resources are not sufficient? The best way to find a good psychologist is to consult l’Ordre des psychologues du Québec, via its website or by phone. This way, you will contact an accredited professional and the reference system elaborated by the order will help you find the appropriate specialist based on certain criteria such as the location, therapeutic approach (psychoanalytic, cognitive, behavioral) and specialization (eating disorders, anxiety, grief, depression, etc.)

Families who do not have sufficient financial resources to consult a private therapist can contact CLSC, clinics, and hospitals in their area.

“We can also get counselling at much lower costs with university students, for example. They are always supervised by professional psychologists and rates are almost two times lower", says Dr. Léonard.

How much does it cost?

The hourly rate of psychologists is between $85 and $125 and a session lasts between one hour and one hour and a half. Some insurance plans cover some or all of these costs. It is worthwhile to ask about your coverage.

How many meetings?

According to Dr Pierrette Déziel, psychologist, many families request a session every two weeks. The average duration of these therapies is of 10 sessions.

How long does a session last?

Therapies always begin with an evaluation during the first meeting that will determine the nature of the problem and the method used to solve the problem. It sometimes brings the psychologist to conclude that the family should contact another type of specialist, such as a social worker, because of the nature of the problem.

When the evaluation confirms the need for a family therapy with the psychologist, sessions usually take place with and without the children. “When a family therapy is required because of the problem of a child, I see the child alone at some point, always. This is to hear their point of view, without their parents, but also to identify which part of the problem they are. But the younger the child, the more I see the family as a whole, not as much the child alone”, explains Dr. Déziel, specialized in family therapy.

The meetings that include the whole family allow, among other things, to identify the strengths and weaknesses of the family, but also to reveal the unspoken and play down the situation.

Of course, we don’t scan the heart and thoughts of a child only through questions and answers. Psychologists use interaction techniques such as drawing – the child draws their family for example – puppets, games, construction with dough, and the therapist asks them to comment these images.

Benefits and keys to success

You now know that you will have to consult, you know how much it will cost and you know what to expect in regard to how the therapist will help you and your family.

But, in fact, what is really in it for you? How will the psychologist help you? According to Dr. Leonard, parents who consult with their child will feel supported and guided by a neutral person. The psychologist also has a knowledge that allows them to give parents the required tools to lead their child to psychological healing. “The psychologist is the person who will change the family mechanism to treat the root of the problem”, she adds.

There are no statistics of the success of different types of therapy, however, they give faster and better results when therapies are taking place with the family, says Dr. Déziel. “Everyone can change at the same time and take responsibility because everyone is concerned when there is a problem in a family”.

The secret ingredient of a successful therapy is the relation between the family and the therapist, she says.