Not so obvious… evidence!
To have a good relationship with the other parent, don’t forget some simple tips that can nonetheless have a very positive impact on you, your ex and your children.
- Don’t speak negatively about your ex in front of your kids. They are not your confidants. Of course, you might need to let some frustrations out once in a while but to do so, turn to a therapist or a friend. They will listen to you and let you get it all out without harvesting any kind of resentment.
- Say « I » rather than « You ». Your messages will only be clearer. When you say “you”, it’s easy to become accusing.
- Set your limits and establish a territory where you won’t accept your ex to set foot in. If you don’t want them to walk into your house as if they were at home, tell them. Don’t keep your frustrations in. Try to manage and adjust as you go. Letting things that bother you accumulate will affect your relationship because everything will explode one day or another!
- Don’t use your children as messengers. If you have something to tell your ex, talk to them directly.
- Establish a modus operandi for children’s joint expenses (extracurricular activities clothes, school, etc.).
- Always be honest. If you’re concerned about something, admit it instead of playing ostrich. However, you must also learn to let some little things go. Your children take a bath every other day when they’re with your ex? It may not be how you do things in your house, but you have to accept that you have no control over your ex and what they do. Unless the situation is putting your kids in harm’s way or is completely unacceptable, you shouldn’t get involved. Difficult, but necessary. And when it happens, ask yourself if you would want your ex to monitor everything you do and make constant remarks.
- You find it difficult not to say anything about or judge your ex? Instead of blurting everything out in their face, write down how you feel in your diary. It’s a great outlet.
- Always keep your children at the center of your concerns and approach…
- There’s a new partner in the picture? Of course, you want to integrate them into the family dynamics, but you need to give your ex (or perhaps even yourself) some time to get used to it. Ideally, new partners must be discreet and let the parents make the decisions involving or affecting their children.
