More than 25 % of Quebec moms with a child under six years of age are choosing to stay at home to take care of their families full time. In addition, according to a CROP-La Presse study, 70 % of working mothers are also entertaining the idea. This practice, once a necessity for families, has now become a choice for women. But what does it mean to be a stay-at-home mom today?
Choosing to be a stay-at-home mother
The reasons vary from one woman to the next, but often resolve around a desire to be with their children for the first years of their lives. Women who choose to stay at home see a range of great benefits that tip the balance:
- Having a front seat to all the steps of their kids' development and being able to help them evolve at all times.
- Better quality of life for some, as the work-family balance was stressful and difficult to manage.
- Having time to evolve personally, making dreams come true or undertaking a career change based on new passions.
Becoming a stay-at-home mom is therefore a choice women have to make based on their personal views and family values. This choice requires a lot of organization, financial and otherwise, but when done right, can be a very suitable choice for today's families. That's why it's important for you to assess all aspects and their impacts on your life before making the leap so you can be well prepared for this new adventure!
Financial consequences
The first thing you must consider is the financial aspect because if you stop working, you will have less income to see to the family expenses. Of course, all work related expenses are gone too, but it's still important to make a realistic and detailed budget to know if your lifestyle must be changed to adapt to your new reality and so you don't find your self in a bad financial situation.
It's therefore essential to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how you plan to manage the expenses when he becomes the only provider. You have to make sure your partner realizes that you are making a long-term investment for your family and that you should not become completely financially dependent of him because of that choice. Here are some important points you should address in this discussion:
- Does your partner really agree with the decision and is he planning on supporting you in your new reality?
- How will you share the income he brings home?
- Will you have to justify every family or personal expense?
- If you are not working, you can't contribute to the Régie des rentes du Québec. Does your partner intend to contribute to an RRSP so you don't fall behind?
- You are a common law couple? Make sure you have all your legal documents up to date to avoid unpleasant surprises if you were to separate one day.
Perception of friends and relatives
Once you have addressed the financial aspect, you will need to make sure the people in your life are aware of your decision to stay at home with the kids and that they respect that decision, even if they might not understand it. Many stay-at-home moms say they feel judged or misunderstood by the people around them and end up having to justify their choice.
Indeed, the choice of staying at home to take care of the family is still seen as marginal and can be perceived as a lack of ambition, laziness or even as an anti-feminist choice that is degrading for women. Although these misconceptions should not affect your choice, you must be prepared to defend your values on occasion. Talk openly with the people you care about and explain the benefits of your choice to them so they can support you instead of judging you.
The daily life of a stay-at-home mom
Many mothers who are thinking of becoming a stay-at-home mom report being afraid of being bored after a while. But fear not, being a stay-at-home mom does not mean you have to stay cooped up inside all day! There are a variety of options to entertain the kids and to keep them active, such as parent-child classes, educational outings, family groups, story time, the park and more. Take the time to check what activities are available in your neighbourhood and choose some activities that interest you so you can maintain an active social network and challenging life.
Putting your career on hold
Another concern for women who want to become stay-at-home moms is that they will inevitably have to put their careers on hold and will have no guarantee of getting their job back or even getting a new one when they are ready to go back to work. Of course, it can be a little scary to have this big hole in your resume for a few years, but depending on your field of work, you may be able to receive additional training or make a gradual return that will allow you to be up to date with all the new challenges at work.
And think about it, being a stay-at-home mom is a unique experience that will enrich your personality and your skills in a lot of areas that will be beneficial for you at home and at work!
And you, are you thinking of becoming a stay-at-home mom? We want to hear from you in the comments!
Sources : Canal Vie – Prendre la décision d’être une mère au foyer, La Presse – Mère à la maison sans misère, Coup de pouce – Tannée de travailler? On rentre à la maison.
