It goes without saying that our partner also has his share of responsibility, and that he must take his place in this family dynamic but since we have no power over others, let’s take care of ourselves.
It is possible to change our behaviors if we want. We must first admit our way of acting without unduly blaming ourselves. We could wait for our husband to change but at what price? What do we really want? Do we want a relationship that is equal or frustrating? The changes we bring will also be beneficial for our partner.
Here is a little reminder of the changes we can bring:
- Make clear demands. Example: I need help, could you wash the dishes? (Beware of insinuations: Could you wash the dishes for once?)
- Express what you feel instead of blaming the other.
- Listen, without arguing, when your partner expresses a frustration.
- Lower your expectations of your partner and of yourself.
- Be aware of the way you talk to your partner (is there a difference in your tone when you talk to your child and when you talk with your partner?)
Taking care of the woman that we are
As parents, we complement each other in our strengths and in our limitations. We are responsible and independent beings and sometimes, we have diverging values and opinions. The point is not to identify who’s the best. We must be part of the same team instead and this team’s main goal is to contribute to our child’s evolution.
The couple is often shaken up after birth, and it requires from us an even better involvement. Don’t forget that the primary objective was to create a wonderful and united family.