What to do?
- Gradually confront your child’s fears: in this case, the child should be looked after regularly for shorter periods of time and as he will get used to the absence of his parents, the periods should lengthen.
- Adopt a warm but reassuring attitude, a strong position, and full of confidence. Establish a short ritual of departure: a kiss, a hug and a “See you later sweetie! Bye!”
- If he cries, be empathetic but without dramatizing: “I know that you are sad but you will be alright in a few minutes… Bye sweetie! I love you! See you later!” KEEP IT SHORT! Your non-verbal attitude must say “Don’t worry, everything is alright.
- Don’t fear tears and don’t try to avoid what scares your child. Some people pay to visit amusement parks and be scared. So when you leave, don’t try to stop your child from crying and don’t try to reassure him at all costs. He is allowed to cry and missing you will not kill him.
- Leave a “transitional object” to your child. This object will make him feel at home and reassure him when he will feel lonely. A blanket, a family picture and even mom’s pyjamas can help him cope with the distance.
- Get your child at the same time every day. He will gradually get a notion of time and develop a sense of confidence. “Nap is over, daddy will be here soon…”
- At home, train him to live with your absence: alternate moments when you play with him and are available with moments when he must play on his own and postpone his attention requirements. For example, take a bath and lock the door. Don’t open it, even if he cries (if daddy is there to take care of any emergency of course)
- Regularly place him in new situations and enrol him in activities where he will be in contact with other children (while you are not there). Before he participates, he might spend the first three sessions sulking.
- Finally, at home, avoid overprotecting him in all spheres of life. The cozier your home is, the less confortable he will be outside. Without rushing him, teach him to comfort himself, to play alone, to be independent, to treat minor injuries, to watch a movie without hugging, etc.
Educators, how can you help Anthony’s mother?
Every morning, I can see the distress of Anthony’s mother. It seems as if she doesn’t know how to leave him without hurting him and unfortunately, she spends too much time arguing with him. For my part, I don’t know how to react. Should I impose and ask the mother to leave, help her and try to reassure him or leave them to it and take over when she leaves? In addition, although most of the time he feels better quickly, sometimes he cries for a long time and wants me to hold him. I must take care of other children and he must socialize. What can I do to help him and help his mother?
