Always be interested! When we are interested in what our child does, likes and prefers (and the opposite of course), it makes it easier to find something to talk about.
Tall oaks from little acorns grow… “Since my daughter was three, I’ve been asking her to tell me one think that she liked and one thing that she hated about her day and if she had something to tell me. That way, I hope to build a ritual that will last. She will learn to discuss and will know that I am there to listen to her and maybe help her, if she needs me.” (Stephanie)
A variation
A bowl of questions. With your child, write down questions on pieces of paper and place it in a bowl or in a pot. Each night, pick one question each and let every participant answer.
Talk! Communication implies an exchange. Your child must know that you trust him enough to share bits and pieces of your life. Talk to him about your day or share memories and insist on the emotions you felt. It will make him want to do the same.
Focus on him… not on you! Try to stay focused on what he is going through and what he is talking about. Don’t always bring the conversations back to you by talking about something similar that happened to you.
Disagreeing respectfully. We can disagree with what our child says. Expressing doesn’t always rhyme with agreeing. Teach them the rules of discussion and argumentation but always treat them with respect. When you want to give your opinion, remember to say, “I know that you disagree but here’s what I think…” It’s an excellent way to avoid confrontation and being even more shut off.
5 principles to live by
- Ask your children what they would like or what they expect from you in this conversation, such as giving advice, lending an ear, helping to deal with their emotions or helping to solve a problem.
- Monkey see, monkey do. Most of the time, they will follow your example on how to deal with anger, how to solve problems and how to go through difficult emotional times.
- Talk to your children. Avoid to lecture, judge, criticize, threaten or hurt them.
- Children learn from their own choices. As long as they don’t put themselves in harm’s way, you don't have to interfere.
- Be aware that your children can test you by only telling pieces of what is on their mind. Listen carefully, encourage them to talk and maybe they will share the rest of the story.
Source : Psychomedia.qc.ca
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