The steps
The steps are many and you will have to wait for an awfully long time before you meet your adoptive child. Couples seeking international adoption must first submit their project to their provincial government office.
Then, they must choose the certified body linked to the country of origin.
Choosing a different path to reach a child opens the door to corruption, says Claire-Marie Gagnon, President of the Federation of adopting parents of Quebec. Indeed, we have all heard stories of parents who were forced to bribe a family, an orphanage or an influent person in a foreign country to successfully adopt. It is useless to try to illegally buy out official bodies, says Mrs. Gagnon. Furthermore, the affiliated institutions (such as orphanages) are trustworthy, she says.
There are 14 stages in the process that parents must undergo, including the signature of the contract, the psychosocial assessment of the person who wishes to adopt, the arrival of the child and reports on his progress.
How long will it take?
It is hard to assess how long the adoptive parents will have to wait before holding their child in their arms because the availability of a child for adoption, the procedures that are specific to each country and the recommendations following the psychosocial assessment have a direct influence on the waiting time.
Preparation and food for thought…
Before diving into specific procedures, it is important to look for information and to gather testimonies of parents who already adopted, says Mrs. Gagnon who is also the mother of two adopted children (now adults…). “You must meet other adoptive parents, attend conferences on adoption, read but also, you must be able to rationalize emotional issues and to struggle to find all the resources that are necessary to the child”, she says.
Because even if all parents would like to have a beautiful child, healthy and free of any handicap, the reality of adoption is different.
First, says Mrs. Gagnon, most children available for international adoption will go through some difficulties when they arrive to your home. Most of them have been abandoned, others may have been through some tough times and bad experiences and some suffer from malnutrition. The global medical examination that children undergo does not take psychological scars into consideration. They will not be mentioned in the medical report given to the future parents.
« And when a child arrives to his new home, it is a shock. He finds it difficult to adapt. And unfortunately, in Quebec, we don’t have the all the resources necessary to help the parents face those difficulties.” says the President of the adopting parents Federation.
The Hague Service Convention Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption, signed by 83 countries since its creation in 1993, aims to ensure that international adoptions are taking place in the best interest of the child. It also aims to establish a system of cooperation ensuring its enforcement by all signatory states.
However, the application of the Convention leads signatory countries to prevent adoption. They often tell families not to offer their children a safer environment or a way of life that is better than theirs. “Children represent the future of the country… but it also means that adoption is sometimes reserved to handicapped or older children” says Mrs. Gagnon.
Unfortunately, she adds, the health information provided to adoption agencies by the country of origin is often incomplete. Therefore, parents who would like to adopt a child often receive a file that hides a few details concerning difficulties (psychological scars, handicap) that the child may present and that could make the integration in the new family even harder.
Warning and questions
The Secrétariat à l’adoption internationale warns future adopting parents about the challenges that they will probably face. It is reported that they may have to deal with “health problems that went undetected at the time of the adoption, but reveal themselves once at home or a few years down the road”.
In China
The adoption of a Chinese child may cause more trouble because by signing the Hague Convention, China decided to strongly encourage local adoption, mostly of girls, leaving less children for international adoption, says Claire-Marie Gagnon. The waiting time can stretch and because parents end up loosing a little patience, they are more likely to accept a handicapped child or a child suffering from a disease.
Costs
Adopting a foreign child can cost between $20,000 and $35,000, not including lost wages. Here is a breakdown of the money spent:
- Governmental fees to emit birth and marriage certificates;
- Passport fees;
- Fees to obtain a medical certificate;
- Fees related to the psychosocial assessment;
- Travel and stay in the country of origin;
- Administration and coordination fees required by the certified bodies;
- Gift or humanitarian contribution required by the country of origin or by the orphanage;
- Translation and legal fees.
Beyond money…
Parents who would like to adopt a foreign child must join a group of adopting parents in order to “create winning conditions for international adoption”, Mrs. Gagnon suggests.
But they must first and foremost ask themselves this crucial question: “Are we ready to fight to bring up this child to become an adult or are we trying to fulfill our need for a parenting status?”
Testimony
I agree that we should take into consideration every aspect of such an important decision, including the risks specifically related to adoption but from my point of view, I think we tend to forget to make a parallel with naturally conceived children. What guarantee do we have that this child will be born healthy? We can never be assured that our child will be free of any deficiencies or any difficulties to adapt in society! Furthermore, to warn adopting parents about the fact that a child is a lifelong project and that they will have to live with him no matter what is, in a sense, completely ridiculous. Since when do we bother about the parenting capacities of women and men who would like to have children? Since when do we ask them if they are ready to make all the sacrifices needed to bring up this child to his adulthood?
We are overthinking this. Every child is different, whether he is from China, Haiti, Russia or Quebec. Yes an adopted child comes with a past, yes he is different, yes, maybe he has been through a lot but don’t you think that this child will be better off here, surrounded and loved?
Is it a coincidence that my four children who have been adopted from very different backgrounds and at different ages have never faced any major obstacles? Sincerely, I don’t think so! The secret is to accept your child the way he is, don’t try to make things more complicated than they are, make him feel like any other, love him, respect him, let him evolve to is own pace and according to his own capacities… and stop trying to make everything complicated by reading and analyzing every specialist’s theory. Everything is played in the day-to-day, don’t look any further.”
Francine Laplante, September 2011
