All children reach an age where they begin to feel confident enough to explore the world of friendships for themselves. You were probably very excited to see that he remembered more and more names when coming back from school and seemed to fit in better than you dared to hope.
But when you start getting notes from his teacher telling you he disturbed the students in class or that he no longer listens to instructions and spends his time giggling, you naturally tend to worry about the negative influences of these new friends you don’t know yet.
How does it happen?
At that age, children and teenagers tend to identify with their peers. In fact, they want to look like everyone else and blend in. According to Solène Bourque, psychoeducator, many of them are so impressionable, which makes them more vulnerable to be drawn into uncomfortable situations they did not wish to participate in to begin with like intimidation or laughing at other children. They find themselves caught involuntarily in the net of a child who is a negative leader and don’t know how to react or how to get out of it.
Be on the lookout
If you think your child is hanging with a bad crowd, it’s normal you feel alarmed and you probably wonder how to react. Solène Bourque advises you to stay informed and alert to your child’s new friendships. It’s important to get involved in their social life to a certain point by asking about their new friends and learning about what they enjoy to do together in order to be better equipped to face any difficult situations that may arise.
Why not invite your child’s friends at home or contact their parents? This would allow you to obtain further information about them and thus be able to act on tangible things going on in their friendship.
How to deal with negative influences
As a parent, you are your child’s guide and he needs your presence and guidance as he is going through the discovery of his autonomy. Set clear limits and when you consider a relationship is not good for him, it’s important you talk to him to explain why you have reservations about this friendship. Of course, you can’t control the outcome and your child may decide to continue to maintain this friendship without you knowing, so Solène Bourque recommends you explain all your questions to him and tell him honestly what worries you so you can find a middle ground that works for everyone, such as asking him not to go to his friend’s house but allowing him to bring him home.
How to manage changes in behavior
Solène Bourque reminds us that communication is the key to success in the parent-child relationship and you need to clearly establish your expectations and what the consequences will be if they are not met. Your child needs to have clear benchmarks and to learn to take responsibility for his actions. It’s time for him to understand that he must accept the consequences of his choices, whether at home or everywhere else in life.
Keep in mind that the closer you are to your child and the stronger the bond, the more he will trust you and confide in you. This is why you must try, even if it’s not always easy to remain calm, to avoid resorting to screams and threats since these types of exchanges are not constructive and can make your relationship that much more fragile. If you feel your relationship with your child is crumbling or you fear losing control of your words and actions, it may be time to seek support.
