The first child, the one who makes us realize the magnitude of parenting, the one who was patient enough to teach us how to take good care of a newborn, is about to learn something important. Your child is about to have a brother or a sister. Although it is great news for the whole family, many parents are afraid that they will not be able to take care of their first child as much as they did before. Worse even, some mothers feel like they are betraying their child! What does it imply really, when you have another child?
A common source of anxiety
First, you should know that this feeling of withdrawing privileges or room to your child affects most mothers who are expecting a second child. Since birth, this unique child had a monopoly on magic. He occupied the whole playroom, inherited all of your free time and you could sense what he wanted before he could even talk. When you never took care of more than one child, you wonder if you will sacrifice all these benefits for another child, as if you started from scratch with someone else. A lot of questions arise: will we like our second child as much as the first? Will we neglect our children while taking care of a newborn baby who will require a lot of attention?
We don’t have as much time but…
Obviously, this discussion is legitimate. It is true that you will not have as much time to give with another child and these changes will occur quickly because his little brother or his little sister will require a lot of your attention as soon as you will give birth. To prepare him, you can show him where baby will sleep and where his diapers will be changed but you should not feel overly sorry for him. The arrival of this new member of the family is great news for you and for him and the time you cannot spend together anymore will soon be replaced by the time they spend playing together. Your family life is enriched every time a new person is added and this new person multiplies the interactions. You may be under the impression of doing less but your two children will not get bored because of it and the fact that you are now used to be a mother will give you more time than you had when your first child was born.
The age difference between the two children should also be taken into account. If the children are very close in age, they will soon play the same games with you and receive the same care at the same time. If the age difference is greater, your first child can help with some small tasks and this is how he will continue to be with you without feeling rejected.
Love is multiplied, not divided
Fortunately, this redistribution does not affect your love. Sometimes we are afraid to have a "favourite". We think that we will not be able to love two children as much as we love the first. Don’t worry, a mother's heart has room for all of her children and you will love them both with the same intensity.
Elizabeth Darchis, psychologist, says, "Sometimes parents confuse sharing love and sharing time. But parental love is not divided like a cake! A huge heart is built for each child and these hearts cannot be divided. Moreover, it is a beautiful thing to teach the elder child about sharing his time. "