We are pretty new to this adventure, but somehow we are figuring it all out. We are guided by powerful instincts that neither of us totally understand. We trust each other on this unfolding journey.
You know exactly what to do when you feed and my body synchs with yours. You have no idea what it feels like to have your little body curled up in my arms – it’s almost as though we are reading each other’s minds – maybe we actually are.
Today, with our 6 (or was it 7) breastfeeding sessions, and with the help of my double pump, I managed to make enough milk to nourish you. You even gave me a sweet little smile – your gift for the sore nipples and numbing exhaustion that permeates every cell in my body. So my little one, we’ve made it through another day.
Since you are fast asleep and can’t hear me, I can now share some of my secrets with you – things you will never hear me say when you are awake. Obviously, you won’t have a clue what I am talking about, so here goes.
I am Scared
So this is the hardest secret to admit to you because it is not just a simple fear. This is different. This is a total, deep, irrational fear of the unknown, a fundamental fear of failure. I worry that I just don’t have a clue what I am doing and that one day you and everyone who thinks I am being so capable and strong will find out it’s been a big lie. You, my love, will never see my fear or weakness because for you, my baby, I will always be strong, brave and fearless. I want to be a warrior, not a worrier so we are just going to have to work on that together ok?
I am Fascinated
Every mom has a public life, a private life and a secret life. That secret life is the one that they share with their babies. I am totally fascinated by how your mind works, how you see connections and figure things out. How you learn to walk and talk and laugh. The other day your sister asked me where dragons lived, and I swear the next 10 minutes was spent giving her a detailed description of the likely places on the planet that a turquoise dragon with sparkling pink wings might live.
I am Excited!
I really don’t know what is ahead for you, but I do know that whether you decide to be an astronaut, an actor or an acrobat, I will be your biggest fan. I’ll be the one cheering you on every step of the way. You will get tired of this constant encouragement and flag waving, but trust me, you will appreciate it in your heart. All I do know is that this is an amazing time to be alive and that technology and discoveries we haven’t even thought about are going to make your world so incredibly interesting.
I am Loved
You don’t know the definition of this word “love” yet. But it is one that you will hear (and hopefully experience) a lot in your life. But even as a baby, you know how love feels – and so do I. When you look into my eyes and smile as I stroke your face and kiss your forehead, you are saying that you love me. I know that right now the love you give me is the purest thing in the world. You trust me, you appreciate and need me. I feel loved.
So my little one, let’s enjoy this journey together. I will share more secrets with you as you get older. Hopefully, you will share yours with me too.
What do you think? What secrets would you like to share with your baby? Leave a comment and let us know, or join the discussion on the Medela Canada Facebook page.