Conception

Forcing your partner to have a baby

You dream of having a baby. You spend hours browsing baby names and you keep trying to make little comments to your spouse hoping he’ll understand the message and agree to your wishes. But he doesn’t seem to understand the message and you’re starting to feel frustrated and a little discouraged.

Your biological clock is ringing

There comes a point in every woman’s life when our body and mind just send us the signal that we are ready for motherhood for different physical reasons, like the ideal age to bear a child or psychological reasons like having achieved goals that we had set out for ourselves. This hormonal pull can be extremely strong when we start seeing the time passing and we begin to see our chances of getting pregnant decrease.

According to Manon Fabi, NPL family coach, it’s when women are 20 years old that their fertility is at its peak and it decreases slowly at the age of 30 to 35 years old, to finally decrease faster. The probability of having a child at 35 years old is about 12% while it’s already down to 6% for women of 40 years old.

It’s normal to feel a sense of urgency especially as you may feel an intense need to finally have a child, to take care of him and to maximize your maternal instinct and develop your family.

Of course, no matter what your reasons are, you must take into consideration that having a child is a decision that must be made by the two of you and it should always be taken with love and respect, so that you can share all the fun, but also all the responsibilities and fears. This important decision deserves careful thought and an honest discussion of your expectations and concerns.

The risk of putting too much pressure

It’s possible that your partner will simply refuse to budge, which might mean you need to take a decision. If he feels you are not respecting his feelings, he may decide to leave the relationship for the wrong reasons, because he is feeling misunderstood.

If he eventually gives in, it’s likely that he will not feel committed or have a deep desire to have this child. Manon tells us that this can definitely have an impact on the child, since the father’s attachment will not be well established, which can create a lack of affection and prevent a healthy and balanced development. In addition, the fact that he felt forced will probably have a negative effect on your relationship, as he will most likely be feeling frustrated or even trapped. Harmony in a relationship is essential to ensure a safe and healthy home environment for the child.

Why is he not ready?

There may be several reasons why your spouse is a little reluctant to have a child. Is your relationship going well right now? Does he feel established professionally or is he feeling lost? Is he generally fearful of changes in his daily life, social habit or in the relationship?

Sometimes, he may even have some fears or wounds stemming from his childhood that would prevent him from feeling ready to become a father, because every time he imagines himself as a bad father or husband. But what can you do to identify what is making him uncomfortable and to help him feel better equipped and prepared without putting too much pressure?

Honesty and respect

It’s a bit cliché, but the only thing you can really do to understand him better is to have an honest discussion, where you talk about your expectations and take the time to listen to his concerns with respect. That does not mean he will be immediately convinced, but it might help you understand his journey better, and reassure you that he does want a child with you, but that he just needs a little more time to get his thoughts in order and really feel ready to embark on this adventure with you!


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