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The man of my life or father of my children?

How do you see your lover? Is he the man of your dreams or the future father of your children? Does the former include the latter? Definitively not for every woman!

I want a one-of-a-kind man!

When you look at your better half, you see... the man who completes you, the man who seduced you, the man he has become, the man he is, the man who shares all your secrets, who is an fantastic dad and supports you. You see the man you can count on, who won’t deceive you, the man you chose to live with everyday. He’s the man with whom you’re making plans for the future, the man of your... entire life?

It is hard to separate your man into different parts. Do you love a man differently if he has experienced paternity by your side while you are also learning to become a mother? Probably. However, love cannot be reduced to such a restrictive definition. A woman can also fall in love head over heels with a man whose children will never call her mom, or with a man who will never be the father of her children.

Chasing the perfect man!

During your teenage years, you spent endless hours dreaming about your future lover. He had all the qualities you could imagine: handsome, charming, caring, poetic, athletic, passionate, ambitious, generous... As you grew older, lovers came in and out of your life and with time, you learned how to define what you want a little better.

However, if you want to have a family, whether in the near future or in 15 years, new criteria must be added to the list. Your man’s heart will have to melt in front of a chubby baby. Your man won’t want to run away when your 18-month old nephew start drooling all around your house with dirty hands. No, your man will get on his knees and play with the little guy! On the other half, if you wish to travel and have an exciting career, you have to look for a man who won’t  be frightened by your fast-paced lifestyle.

I want some, he does not want any, we want some

- A man’s transformation...

“When I met my boyfriend, I was only 17 years old and he was almost 22. Yet it was clear in my heart and mind that I wanted four children. The man of my dreams had to be the father of my children, there was no doubt about it. 

Unfortunately, the man of my life didn’t want children. But life had its own plans. I first got pregnant at 19 years old. It came as a terrible shock to my boyfriend and was a difficult time for our couple as well. However, with this first experience with paternity, my boyfriend came around and accepted the idea of having children. In fact, we started trying to have a second child. Our second little angel arrived four and a half years later. Afterwards, it was very clear for the two of us that our family was complete. Nevertheless, a third baby managed to make its nest before my boyfriend got a chance to get a vasectomy. Once again, it came as a huge shock to him and left our couple on a very slippery slope. Two months later, I had a miscarriage.

The idea of a doctor’s appointment for a vasectomy was always just around the corner and even though my partner did not want any more children, fear kept him from going. Surprisingly, I found myself getting pregnant again a year later. This time, the shock was not nearly as big as the previous time, and I would even say that my boyfriend was amazed by this third paternity experience.

Even if my boyfriend did not want any children in the beginning, he has given me love and support throughout all of my pregnancies. He never let me down and was always there for me. I even believe that witnessing the birth of his children has been one of the most precious moments of his life.

When I think about it, I tell myself that if life had not surprised us with these precious gifts, the man of my life would never have experienced the joys of paternity. The amazing thing is that my boyfriend is an outstanding father and an incomparable partner in life. I don’t regret that life gave him a little lesson because I know that in our older days, he’ll remember how he initially didn’t want children and then wonder how he could have ever lived without his three little girls.”

Isabelle, mother of Frédéryke, Maygane and Élysabeth

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