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Couple/Sexuality

Consulting a sexologist

Even if sex therapy is gaining popularity, it remains an activity that couples prefer to hide. People never brag about their consultation because they are ashamed or shy. Yet, it deserves to be known.

People are usually discreet because they are under the impression of being unique or even abnormal. Obviously, many people decide, one day, to go ahead and make an appointment to invest in their sexual and personal well-being.

It can take a while before you realize that you need help. It is normal, when you are facing difficulties, to look for solutions on your own. Sometimes, you let things go thinking that patience is a virtue but old sayings are not always in touch with our reality. So, how will you know if it is time to consult? How long will you wait before you call? What kind of therapy will you choose? It is not always easy to find answers and to know where to ask…

Signs that you need to consult

Anyone who feels the need to go further, to understand his desires or to bring changes to his couple or to his sexual or personal life can consult. However, some signs imply that it would be beneficial for you to consult. Any of these signs can be enough to motivate you to go. Sometimes, you will identify more than one.

It could be beneficial for you to undertake a sex therapy if:

  • You are going through reoccurring frustrations related to your sexuality or your couple;
  • Sexuality leaves you in a state of inner turmoil;
  • Your partner and you have frequent disputes over sexual matters;
  • You feel that your partner is not comfortable in his sexuality and he doesn’t seem to be able to find the words to express it;
  • Your relationship is on the verge of a breakup;
  • Sexual difficulties or conflicts are tearing you apart;
  • You get the feeling that no matter what you do to feel better in your love life or sexual life, you always return to the same point.
  • You are unable to solve the problem;
  • You have nightmares or unpleasant dreams following a trauma or a bad sexual experience;
  • You are so focused on your sexual difficulties that it takes up too much space in your mind;
  • You find it hard to keep doing what you usually do because you are too bothered by your problems.
The reasons for consultation

There are many reasons why people decide to consult in sex therapy. There are:

  • Emotional reasons (lack of self-confidence or self-esteem, emotional dependency, difficulty of being intimate, jealousy, poor body image, etc.)
  • Conjugal reasons (marital conflict, separation, extramarital relationship, domestic violence, etc.)
  • Sexual reasons (decrease or lack of desire, pain during sex, lack of orgasm, sexual compulsion or addiction, performance anxiety, sexual abuse, questioning your sexual orientation, disturbing sexual behaviour, etc.)
  • Health reasons (related to grief, stress, pregnancy, postpartum depression, abortion, infertility, miscarriage, menopause, a sexual disease, etc.)
Should I consult alone or as a couple?

Before you decide if it is better to consult alone or as a couple, you should first try to figure out whom, between the two of you, have the most difficulties. If the problem concerns you both, you should go together. Trust your instinct. Do you think it would be beneficial for your couple? Would you rather do this alone? If you are not sure, the therapist can assess in the first consultations if it is better for you to consult individually or as a couple. The one who has the most prominent symptom (lack of desire, premature ejaculation, etc.) is not necessarily the one who finds it most difficult. Sometimes, the partner has a hard time living with the other’s symptoms and needs to consult to learn to live with this situation. You must evaluate who really needs the change.

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