Often, the victim was able to perceive signs of violence at the beginning of a relationship. Broken objects, raised voice and misplaced comments in front of friends about a gift or about the couple’s sex life are hints that everything is not hunky dory. The person who thinks that these events are very little compared to the person’s qualities justifies this behaviour and opens the door to far worse. From one insult to another, this lover who was worth defending will become a nightmare and the denigrated person who has made an mistake feels very little when it is time to put her foot down. The situation escalates and violence becomes part of everyday life.
If the victim has completely lost confidence or hopes that the violent person is only having a rough patch, she will need a crisis or to accept someone else’s help to get out. Friends must understand that the victim is tired, down, scared, often threatened and fears or her children who have already seen too much. Friends should never give up because this person really needs help.
A neighbour who calls, a family member who visits often or a devoted friend might give an opportunity to make the leap. So even if it takes a while, if you intend to help someone; you should know that several resources are available to help you do the right thing.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, remember that there is a life after you breakup. Your children will be glad to find a happy mom and even if you feel bad about yourself right now, know that it will not last. Do not hesitate to seek help. Structures are in place and either with the help of your family, police or in shelters, you will find someone listening and it will come from persons who truly want to help you without judging your decisions and your misfortune.
The last objective will be to find inner peace. It will take a lot of time and positive interactions. A former victim taking over the activities she loves after years of control will eventually feel revived. Appreciating these moments of calm, celibacy and joyful motherhood will finally give the victim a sense of freedom and you can be certain that she will not get caught again.