Family life

We are so much calmer with the second child

You feel like you didn’t get to enjoy all the little moments with your first baby? Rest assured, having the experience will make you a much calmer and confident mom!

Pregnancy and childbirth

You will probably be much more prepared for your second pregnancy since you now know a little more what to expect. It may be that your pregnancy and the birth will be drastically different than the last time of course, but having already gone through all the emotions, concerns and questions the last time around will most likely help ensure that you feel ready to face any eventuality this time while you may have been more fearful of the unknown before.

You can take this opportunity to make a detailed birth plan based on your first experience and what worked for you or what you would rather not repeat. You will probably trust your instincts and abilities more since you have a better idea of what will happen. This is not to say that your second delivery will be perfect, but rather to understand that you will find it easier to concentrate on the outcome as opposed to being worried about the path and method you take to get there.

A first mom’s worries

Women who become mothers for the first time are often riddled with anxiety about a range of issues and things that in hindsight often end up becoming a source of endless anecdotes that will prove that we may have been a little too overprotective unintentionally.

If you are one of those moms who always think their baby has a learning disability because they’re still not speaking or they haven’t shown any interest in walking, if you are constantly worried about him not eating or drinking enough, you are probably wondering how you will be able to handle all these emotions in double when the new baby comes?

If it can help reassure you, even if a good mom will always be concerned for the welfare of all of their children, those worries tend to ease up a bit and become more manageable as time passes and you develop more confidence in yourself and get more experience.

An experienced mom

When my first child was born, I think I was crying as much as she was because I felt like I never knew what she wanted and I would make myself crazy trying to figure out and eliminate all the potential reasons that made her cry so hysterically. I can guarantee you that this famous list of mine disappeared quickly after the birth of my second daughter! Even if a second child can bring a lot of anxiety and requires an adaptation period, we at least have the advantage of going into it with eyes wide open and knowledge we didn’t have before. Mothers of several children understand fairly quickly that even though we are busier, we also tend to have a more Zen attitude and take the obstacles of life a lot calmer as show by the members on our discussion forums.

« I thought going from 1 to 2 kids was easy. I didn’t have the stress and fear of the unknown I had for my first, everything seemed easier and my second baby is a very quiet sleeper, the opposite of my first. But for sure, I had a lot of questions before. When it was just the 3 of us, we had a balance, everything was going well, I had time to spend with my daughter. I was afraid that with the second child, everything would go wrong. But when he was born, all my doubts vanished! It was like a piece of the puzzle that fit perfectly into our family unit. It has gone so good in fact, that I’m currently pregnant with my third. And this time, I have no fears. » - Blue

« I find that going from 1 to 2 kids was nothing! It actually was much worse going from 0 to 1! Everything just felt more natural with the second one. And going somewhere on a whim? Strange but it’s simpler! A little longer sure, but less complicated! » - Megelo

« I got my first one without a partner. It was hard, but I got a routine. For the second however, I now have a partner and it’s his first. I laugh when I see him so worried about everything because I went through all of this already with my first. No, she won’t die if she drinks 3.25 % milk at 11 months rather than 12 months. Yes, it’s normal to have blue poop when she eats blueberries for lunch. » - Chris2312

« And it’s no nice to see the oldest with her younger sister. The other day, she thought I was in the kitchen but I was actually watching from a distance, and she said in secret to my youngest « you know, you’re in my heart all the time, even when I’m at daycare. » No need to tell you I don’t regret my decision to have a second child… » - Chris2312

Avoid expectations

While it’s nice to know you will already have some experience, one thing I can advise you to avoid is to fall into the trap of trying to recreate exactly what you did with your first again with your second child. You may be disappointed when you realize that your second child screams of discomfort when you swaddle him while your first loved being all cocooned up. The importance thing is to use your wealth of experience knowing that you may also need to develop new tricks and change some things in order to establish a winning routine.

One day, it will be you the other moms watch with envy and in disbelief while you look as calm as Yoda with a screaming baby in your arms and a toddler hanging from your skirt and trying to escape. It will be your turn to tell them « oh yes, we do survive! And one day, the urge to get another even comes back! » Such a great adventure!

Image de Mariem Melainine

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