Say no to a young child without compromising
“Don’t touch that”, “Don’t go there”, “Don’t do that”… We forbid, we prohibit and we ban so much that it is impossible to count how many times our children are turned down in a day.
The problem with that is because your children will constantly be hearing the word "no", they will eventually answer back with "no" too. It could worsen their ‘no’ phase.
However, that doesn't mean we should stop forbidding either! It's preferable to give our child some options. For example, if you forbid them from playing with a glass bowl on a shelf, tell them they can still play with the plastic containers!
“You must give the impression that your child still has some control over their life”, says Solene Bourque.
Finish your plate if you want dessert
We should not negotiate and barter when it comes to food.
According to Mrs. Bourque, it is a habit inherited from previous generations and we should get rid of it. She suggests telling our child “you don’t have to finish your whole plate but eat a bit of everything (vegetables, meat…)”.
Or “If you don't think you ate enough to grow strong after that incomplete meal, you may have a dessert but it will be yogurt or fruits (a healthy dessert). If mom and dad think you ate enough, you may have a cookie”.
Impose an arbitrary decision
Is your daughter hell-bent on wearing a pink sweater that you think is too chic for the occasion? Instead of arguing, suggest two other options and let her choose.
Raising your voice… or screaming!
You will convey that bad-habit to your child who will end up screaming at the slightest frustration.
You must make the difference between being firm and raising your voice, says Mrs. Bourque.
Neglect the bedtime routine
Dinner with your friends was longer than expected and you go home late. Sitting in the car, your children are already fast asleep. At home, you put on the pajamas and send your children to bed… not! The youngest claims their bedtime story!
Even if it means sleeping 5 minutes later, it is better to yield; read them a shortened version of their favorite bedtime story... “It is important to maintain the routine”, says Mrs. Bourque.
Talk behind their backs… in front of them
We like to tell our friends about the good and bad things our children do. Your big four-year-old will probably be hurt if you say, in front of them and your friend, that they wet the bed last night, even if it seems harmless and you did not intend to make fun of them.
Try avoiding this kind of mistake! Your children will always remember when you humiliate them, even if that wasn't your intention!
Emphasize the bad actions and ignore the good
Children often do bad deeds to attract attention so it is obvious that if you pay more attention to them, they will do this bad thing over and over again, to get your attention.
Of course, you don’t stop discipline but you must find balance between praising the good deeds and reprimanding bad deeds.
Impose a punishment unrelated to the alleged act
An appropriate and related sanction will make the child understand exactly what behavior they must work on.
For example, if your child spills their milk on the table, the appropriate punishment is not to send them to their room. It is better to gently yet firmly ask them to clean it up and to be more careful next time.
Threaten that a punishment will come later
In your car, you keep asking them to be less noisy but they won’t listen... so you play the “threat” card “wait until we get home, you will not watch TV”.
The threat and the punishment will probably be useless because in your child’s mind, the time between the action and the consequence will have broken the link between the two.
Reward all the good shots
If you do this, your child will only be good to receive a reward. You could also get stuck in a cycle of “bargaining” good deeds.
It is better to alternate rewarded actions with those that are not.
