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Couple/Sexuality

Lower sex drive during pregnancy

Elysa, 34, explains that before becoming pregnant, she and her husband had sex several times a week. However, since the beginning of her pregnancy, her sex drive has disappeared! “When I’m  pregnant, forget it! Zero sex drive. I don’t even think about it. I have sex just to please him.

Pregnant women are mostly affected by the changes in their physical appearance and question their ability to still seduce their partner. Often, the best way to look lousy is to feel lousy. If you’re feeling bad about yourself, that’s probably how others will see you as well. “I gained weight really quickly, I’m tired all the time and would rather sleep than make love”, says Elysa, who believes that her husband is adjusting well to the situation. “Of course, he would like it if we made love more often, but he says that he understands... I hope my libido will come back after giving birth!

It is not easy to feel good about your looks every day, but by repeating to yourself “I am beautiful, I am womanly, I am desirable”, you will start to believe it. This change in attitude often results in a change in your partner’s perception as well! If fatigue is causing intimacy problems, a change in your routine must be made! Add more naps to your schedule, ask your partner to take over some of the chores and take some much needed time to rest!

Solutions
  • Get in the mood. Your sex drive can’t stimulate itself? Help your libido do its job! Read erotic books, buy movies (not necessarily pornos, but it could be erotic-romance), play erotic games, etc. Stimulating your imagination will help rev up your sex drive!
  • Perception and image. You have to stop seeing yourself ONLY as a mother. Yes, you are a mother to be, yes you are carrying life inside you, but you are also and most importantly a woman. Take care of yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and attractive, smile and be a little naughty. You reap what you sow? It is definitively true in this case!
  • Fatigue. Your fatigue overpowers your sexual desire when bedtime comes? You want to sleep, not make love? Remember that you are not the only one feeling this way, especially if you already have a child. In this case, why not make love in the morning, or at another time during the day when fatigue has not had time to build up? It sometimes requires a little juggling with the daily schedule, but if it allows you to gain intimacy and pleasure, it is worth it!
  • Talk, talk and talk. There is nothing worse than isolating yourself and cultivating resentment for one another because you are both feeling frustrated. It is not about blaming someone or being aggressive, but about opening up about the way you both feel in this situation. Talking may allow you to pin-point the source of the problem and find a solution.
  • Think about it. Appetite sometimes comes while eating... Thinking about sex and keeping the fire burning with erotic thoughts may help your sex drive resurface. You should not fear your fantasies and sexual ideas. Instead, use them as fuel to keep you sex life on fire.
  • Awaken your senses. Sexual pleasure is only one of the many satisfying feelings you can experience. A warm, candlelit bath, a romantic dinner, wood burning in the fireplace, etc. These are all pleasurable ways to help awaken your senses.
  • Touch each other. Desire builds up throughout the day. Hold each other’s hands, kiss, cuddle, etc. You can’t transform yourself in a sex bomb at 10 pm simply because it’s what you think you should do. If you multiply moments of tenderness and intimacy throughout the day, it will feel all the more natural to carry on the same path when night falls.

In a perfect world, a satisfying sex life for both partners is ideal. However, pregnancy can sometimes create the opposite effect, in spite of all your good intentions. You don’t understand why your sex drive has disappeared, yet you’re not motivated enough to try to get yourself in the mood. The important thing is to not let this situation create a gap between your partner and you. Not making love anymore? It’s alright. Be tender, be friends, be together! Keep in touch with each other and have faith in the love you share.

By Sonia Cosentino

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