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Couple/Sexuality

The lonely side of pregnancy: Low sex drive and its potential effects on your relationship

Solutions
  • Get in the mood. Your sex drive isn’t going to stimulate itself. Read erotic books, buy movies (not necessarily pornography, but whatever tickles your fancy), play erotic games, etc. Getting your imagination going can help kick start your sex drive.
  • Change perception and image. You have to stop seeing yourself as only a mother. Sure, you’re a mother-to-be and you’re carrying life inside you—but, most importantly, you’re a woman. Take care of yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and attractive. Smile and allow yourself to be a little naughty.
  • Remedy fatigue. It can overpower your sexual desire if you let it. If you’d rather sleep than make love, just remember that you aren’t the only one feeling this way, especially if you already have a child. Try making love in the morning or at another time during the day when fatigue hasn’t had time to settle in. You’ll need to juggle your daily schedule a bit, but if it allows you to gain intimacy and pleasure, do it.
  • Talk, talk, talk. There’s nothing worse than isolating yourself and resenting one another because you’re both frustrated. Don’t play the blame game; don’t get aggressive. Instead, open up about the way you both feel. Talking may allow you to pinpoint the source of the problem and find a solution together. Communication is key.
  • Think sexy thoughts. Keep the fire burning with erotic thoughts that may help your sex drive resurface. You should not fear your fantasies, but instead use them as fuel to light your sex life on fire.
  • Awaken your senses. Sexual pleasure is only one of the many satisfying feelings you can experience. A warm, candlelit bath; a romantic dinner; curling up in front of fireplace; etc. are all ways to give you that loving feeling.
  • Touch each other. Desire builds up throughout the day, so hold each other’s hands, kiss, cuddle, etc. You can’t transform yourself into a sex goddess/god when 10 p.m. rolls around simply because it’s what you think you should do. If you keep moments of tenderness and intimacy going throughout the day, it’ll feel natural to continue when night falls.

In a perfect world, a satisfying sex life for both partners is ideal. However, pregnancy can sometimes have the opposite effect, in spite of your best intentions.

If you don’t understand why your sex drive has disappeared and you aren’t motivated enough to try and get yourself in the mood, the important thing is to not let this situation create a gap between you and your partner. Be tender, be friends, be together. Stay on the same page and have faith in the love you share.

By Sonia Cosentino

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